am i crazy

I’m not crazy, you are.
It’s obvious to me.
You live, but do you really know why? It was your parents who willed you into existence, not your own desire for life. Culture curated your preferences and your mannerisms. Privileged circumstance showed where you might be valuable, and disadvantage became the sore points of yourself.

Do you know what is truly yours?

Maybe nothing at all. And yet, anything could be. You could buy a car if only you save enough money. You could have joy if you found love.

But so often I catch myself wanting none of that. I don’t want anything at all. I want nothing to lose, such that everything feels like it is being gained. Every second I exist is time being generously added to my life by the universe that wills me to experience it. It’s not my time. It’s not my life. Everything I learn, everything I use, (from the car that I drive to the body that I inhabit!) is for the sake of the universe, which includes you. As I so vehemently oppose pain and hatred, I ought to become healing and love.

For your sake. If I do this, we both can have joy.

And yet it is so hard.
What do you think? Would you help me love you? Or am i crazy